


New Light

by StarPrincess



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Nightmares, Past life, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 10:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8282683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarPrincess/pseuds/StarPrincess
Summary: Fic for Erwin’s birthday. Erwin Smith was plagued by nightmares of freakish giants and dying friends. His mind in shambles, how does he deal with a confession of love? Set in modern day.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It’s Erwin’s birthday today and I wanted to write a story with a happy ending for him. What better to write a reader insert fic! I had an idea for this story a while back but shelved it because I didn’t know where I wanted to take it. I guess when push comes to shove (and when you want to write something for a specific date), a story can take form, and sometimes grow in very unexpected ways. I’m decently happy with the end result and I hope you enjoy it too!
> 
> WARNING: Small spoilers if you’ve only watched the anime.
> 
> Happy Birthday, Danchou! <3

Erwin woke up in a cold sweat, his hands shaking as he tried to steady himself on his bed. Brushing strands of his blond hair out of his eyes, he took a few shaky breaths, trying to suppress the pounding in his chest. The nightmares had come again, and worse than before. They were harmless dreams at the beginning - giant, uncanny looking humanoid creatures peering over towering walls but it wasn’t long until the dreams became downright terrifying. Erwin could feel his pulse quicken at the sight of the giants, reaching down and grabbing people dressed in old-fashioned clothing, pulling them apart and eating them with their mouths curved upwards, their eyes unfeeling. 

He could recall the feeling of something akin to flying, as he helplessly tried to slash at them with swords in his hands. He felt like a small bug, trying to take down an elephant with a razor blade. All the while his friends, classmates flashed in front of his eyes. Ripped apart. Crunched between two sets of teeth the size of dinner plates. Squashed by a giant foot. 

Erwin was supposed to be on vacation. Relaxing in a lakeside cabin in the middle of nowhere with no cellphone reception or internet but somehow the peace and the quiet did nothing but amplify the terror in his dreams. A gentle knock came at his door. Glancing out the window, the sun had yet to rise. Besides, most of his friends would sleep in.

“Come in,” he said. It was [F/N], Hange’s favourite cousin and one of the few souls brave enough to be part of their strange friend group.

She had a mug of tea and held it up to him. “Hey,” she said softly with a small smile. “I heard some groaning on the other side of the wall. Just wanted to see if you were okay.” He accepted the steaming cup with thanks as she took a seat beside him. 

“Nightmares getting bad?” she asked. He nodded. Of all of his friends, she was the only one who knew of the night visions that plagued him. To everyone else, it looked as if it was business as usual. Serious, straight-laced Erwin, though perhaps a bit overworked. She had pushed him to see a doctor. The medication helped a little but it did nothing to make the horrifying images disappear. 

“These dreams… they just feel so real.”

She snuggled up beside him and he felt the warmth that came with her pressed to his side. “They must be scary,” she said. 

He nodded again, taking a sip of the tea. She laid her head on his shoulder. Inside him, he felt a small, dull flutter of happiness. Erwin had hoped for moments like this ever since he met her but he could not feel the full extent of his joy. Ever since his nightmares began, they dampened every feeling except for the fear and sadness that came as he saw his friends and fellow classmates get helplessly eaten by giants. He laughed bitterly. Perhaps this was punishment for what he did in a past life. Maybe he deserved these dreams. 

“What happened in them today?” 

“The usual, people getting eaten. Levi made an appearance. He was fighting them off like they were nothing though.”

“Of course Levi would be okay,” [F/N] scoffed. “Even in a zombie apocalypse, he’d take out a horde of undead and eat gutter rats and then wash his prim little hands afterwards.” 

“Mike didn’t make it though,” he said solemnly, the images flooding back into his head. That sickening feeling rumbled in his stomach.

“What about me?” [F/N] asked.

“You’re never in them, thank goodness.” He laid his head on hers and held her gently. Of all people, he was glad that she was safe, though perhaps with the sting that she may not existed in this past life. Below him, he felt a flutter of eyelashes on his cheek followed by a brush of her lips. Looking down, he stared into her eyes. Her fingers reached for his cheek and he ached to finish the motion that they had longed for for many months. 

Destroyed walls. Screaming. Blood. The images flooded his mind, repeating themselves ad nauseum. He turned and his arms retreated back from her. 

“Don’t push me away, Erwin,” she begged. It was clear to everyone that there was more than friendship in their interactions. The attraction had blossomed into affection long ago but the nightmares had prevented him from doing anything about it. 

“I don’t know, [F/N]. These dreams… they… I just feel broken on the inside.” In those dreams of his, he could feel a sense of loneliness. As if he had given up so many things, so many people to stand alone and fight. The responsibility would be his alone, as would the sin. No one would have to lament his death. Perhaps the universe was telling him that he needed to do the same in this current life to repent for what happened in that world.

“You know that I love you all the same,” [F/N] confessed. It was the first time she would admit to these feelings. 

Erwin sank back into his pillows and pulled her down on top of him. Feeling her body pressed against his, he had a moment of clarity as he held her against him. Their lips met in a feverish mess of hands and sheets. Even if it was just a moment, he knew, that he wanted this one moment of happiness, regardless of whether he deserved it or not. When they stopped for air, he lay an arm on her waist as she snuggled at his side. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be well again,” he admitted. “I don’t know if I can give you everything that you want or make you happy.”

“You’re all I want, well, unwell and everything in between. You’re still the smart, patient and wonderful person that I know and love.” 

“I just feel as if… these dreams... they make me feel so powerless. Maybe they show a past life or what my future will look like.” Either way, they showed a vision of life without her and perhaps it was for the best. There was no way he would know where his life would turn, when it would end.

She looked directly into his eyes. “We’re always made to feel like we’re in charge of our destiny,” she said, “but the truth is, there is so much we can’t control - the family we belong to, the politics of the world, what body we have…” She took his hands into hers, lacing their fingers together. “It’s possible that in some other universe, we never met or maybe we did but things were so crazy and horrible that love was the last thing on our minds. Either way, we’re here and safe and happy and I know that I’ll continue feeling this way as long as I’m with you. I just hope I can help you feel the same.” 

Erwin knew that her words were not just a declaration of her feelings but an appeal to his logic. She had known about his nightmares all along. She had felt something amiss the moment the dreams began to turn dark and she had been persistent when he tried to brush her off or write off his distress. She had never judged him. He had always been safe with her, and he would not forsake his right to love. Not this time.

As the sun began to rise, his room was filled with a dazzling glow from the window as the sunrise reflected on the rippled water of the lake. Somewhere inside, he knew that [F/N] would stand by him as he made peace with his demons, one day at a time. He would dedicate his heart to this person and this new light.


End file.
